Occasionally, a movie is so terrible that even we can’t watch it – at least not for a second time. We also don’t feel like going through the same rating rigmarole when we know the movie doesn’t stand a chance of getting anything higher than a 10. So, every now and again I’ll tell you about some movies we just hated and warn you to stay far, far away.
- Parents (1989)
Not horror, just horrid. It’s about a little boy who’s afraid of his own parents because they are cannibals. I don’t recall ever seeing such a dumb piece of crap as this. The little boy’s a whack job, too, in his own right. We just don’t understand the point and don’t recommend it.
2. Pig Hunt (2008)
This is another supposedly dark humor, horror film that doesn’t float our boat. John and his friends go on a hunting trip and they’re kinda racist. So, you’re rooting for the boar really and unfortunately, it doesn’t win and the movie sucks. What’s it trying to tell us? And why end the movie with a quote from Animal Farm? Are they really trying to align themselves with Orwell?
3. The Remains (2016)
The trailer looked good. The picture above doesn’t look so bad either, but looks can be deceiving. A family (led by Todd Lowe, who was on Gilmore Girls and really, very good) moves into an old house and discovers a chest in the attic that’s haunted. But it’s terrible. There’s no rules, no originality, no motive and a very ridiculous script. It’s so unintentionally funny that it would have gotten a few points, but nothing above a 10 to be sure.
4. The Slaughter (2006)
Another one we hate was this naked, booby ritual movie where 6 college students cleaning up an abandoned house wake an ancient demon. The first hour is boring as hell and then the last bit turns into a really sorry version of Evil Dead with zombies and bad jokes. What the hell were they going for? We have no idea.
5. Frankenhooker (1990)
We didn’t expect a world class gem here, but we were hoping for a bit of campy fun. Instead we got this festering turd of a movie that I’m sorry we watched at all. After his girlfriend is killed in a freak lawnmower accident, a man sets out to “recreate” her using the body parts of hookers. And you get what you ask for I suppose.
6. Chillerama (2011)
Honestly, I have to admit that we didn’t even finish watching this movie. It is gross, disrespectful and quite challenging to enjoy unless you like bathroom humor and jokes about giant sperm. There is one story called the Diary of Anne Frankenstein. That’s not okay. It was as if a 13-year-old boy with neglectful parents made this. DJ was not pleased. He’s actually the one who turned it off.