The Pumpkin Karver (2006)

Directed by Robert Mann.  Written by Mann and Sheldon Silverstein.  Starring Minka Kelly, Michael Zara, Amy Weber, Mysti Adams, Charity Shea and Alex Weed.

Plot: Someone at the pumpkin patch party is killing all the guests

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I’m gonna do something different with this movie and tell you everything wrong with it in a 1,2,3 format cause there’s just so much wrong.

  1. Minka Kelly’s voice is annoying.  So annoying.  Even DJ could only spend time with her if she shut up.
  2. White people always choose to party in the middle of nowhere.  Why is that?
  3. The acting is horrible.  Especially the Charlie’s Angels.
  4. The writing is horrible.  Why couldn’t she open the car door?  Why did she then jump in the backseat with the killer?  No sense.
  5. The dialogue makes no sense.  Like when the old man is talking about what evil is.  Like, what, old dude?  What are you saying and more importantly, why are you saying it?
  6. “I’ll show you what I believe in” she says and then shows him lights.  Oh, we believe in lights, too.  Then he tells her to “let go” before he kisses her.  Let go of what?  No sense.
  7. The main guy screams like a little bitch (Excuse us if that’s not PC.)  The black girl is NOT from the hood and the pirate is NOT tough.
  8. Why is it Karver with a K?  Just to be pretentious?
  9. No rules.  Unrealistic.  Bad effects.  And no boobs.  And you really need boobs in a piece of shit like this.
  10. What was the point of mentioning his father so much?  Was there originally supposed to be a better, more reasonable ending?  We would have like that.

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Points for some of the actors, like the Hulk and the 2 toga wearers.  Also, it was funny, if completely unintentional.  Cause it took itself way too seriously.

Our score: 18/100.

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