No One Lives (2012)

Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura.  Written by David Cohen.  Starring Luke Evans, America Olivo, Lindsey Shaw, Lee Tergesen and Gary Grubbs.

Plot: a gang of ruthless killers kidnap a couple who are not what they seem

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The plot up there is exactly what the movie is about and if I tell you anymore I’ll give away the whole thing and I don’t want to this time.  Instead, let me tell you why this movie is not for us.

There’s no point.  To any of it.  And it lies.  Not everyone dies, so don’t go in thinking that they do if you decide to watch this.  There were no rules, no Freddy Claws, it’s completely not rewatchable and it’s a nonsense story with a nonsense ending.

The high points (that certainly don’t make up for the low ones) are that the effects were nice and the cast was lovely.  Literally lovely.  America and Lindsey did it for DJ and Luke Evans is a hottie for me.  But they couldn’t save the movie.  Nothing could have saved this self-righteous piece of crap which DJ hated and I simply did not like.

DJ’s score: 15.  My score:36.

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