Treehouse (2019)

Directed by James Roday.  Written by Roday and Todd Harthan.  Starring Jimmi Simpson, Julianna Guill, Shaunette Renee Wilson, Amanda Walsh, Kylie Rogers, Sutton Foster, Mary McCormack, Michael Weston, Nancy Lincon Charles, Cyrina Fiallo and Maggie Lawson.

Plot: a celebrity chef, dodging responsibility and a scandal, goes to his family’s vacation home in the woods where his past comes back to haunt him.

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I’ll talk briefly about the overall story line before I trash the movie completely.  It’s about a celebrity chef named Peter Rake (Simpson), with a daughter (Rogers) and a sister (Walsh) he hasn’t seen in years.  He has a scandal come up and bails on his daughter to go into the woods to avoid life.  There, we meet his housekeeper, Agnes (Charles) who is very strange and a mystery woman, Kara (Guill) that turns out to be his neighbor in the woods.  Of course, he likes Kara and invites her and her friends over for dinner.  And this starts a huge sordid mess for him.

******SPOILER ALERT******

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I don’t talk of my own sexual assault on this blog and I’m not about to start now, but I want everyone reading this to know that I’ve been there.  I feel the pain.  I get the #MeToo movement.  I’m holding hands with my sisters and singing frickin’ kumbaya.  But this movie isn’t about that.  It’s about a bunch of crazy ass women taking a man accused of a vicious crime and torturing him using witchcraft.

I really do understand what it was supposed to be and what it was supposed to say.  However, it was a mess.  And it wasn’t a horror movie.  It was an unfortunate drama, mystery, thriller type nonsense.  It wasn’t about empowerment, it was about embarrassment.  And I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be above men as a woman.  I want to be an equal.  Here, no one was likable.  Of course I didn’t like him, but I didn’t like the women either.

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It was unoriginal.  There was no actual murder, no rules and a script I just abhorred.  A good cast and one jump scare does not a good movie make.  I’m mad at James Roday.  Like really mad.  Please, do not watch this movie.  There’s so much better out there for you to do.

My score: 25.  DJ’s score: 15.

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