Eloise (2016)

Directed by Robert Legato.  Written by Christopher Borrelli.  Starring Eliza Dushku, Chace Crawford, Brandon T. Jackson, P.J. Byrne, Ricky Wayne and Robert Patrick.

Plot: four people break into an asylum looking for a death certificate so they can get inheritance money.


Eloise is actually the name of a very real 78 building institution.  It began as a poor house and grew rapidly into a whole “community” with it’s own zip code.  It had a cemetery, bakery, power house, farm and even a fire department.  The hospital also housed the first kidney dialysis unit and pioneered music therapy.  Now, Eloise stands in ruins for the most part, with most of it being turned into a strip mall and homeless shelter.  And of course the ruins are supposedly haunted.

Now, the makers of the movie dedicate the movie to Eloise even though the spend the entire movie shitting on Eloise, so… we weren’t sure what was going on.  We’ve seen these movies done way better than this.  Our favorite character died first.  The storytelling is messy as hell.  There were no rules and sadly, no jump scares.  Good cast though, but that wasn’t enough to get it anyway.

Our score: 30.

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