The Field Guide to Evil (2018)

This anthology sounded really cool and some of the stories weren’t too bad, but overall it was kind of a flop.

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The Sinful Women of Hollfall was the first story and sadly, it wasn’t a complete one.  It had a beginning and a middle, but no real end.  It left us hanging and we hate that.  See, in Austria, Kathi (Marlene Hauser) is coming-of-age and coming into her own and seemingly falling in love with another girl.  So, they kiss and then her goat ends up dead and she thinks it her fault.  But she still goes back to the other girl at the end and then nothing happens.  At all.  It just ends that way.  We were confused.

Haunted by Al Karisi is the next story.  It had a beginning, middle and end, but it wasn’t good.  Al Karisi is a djinn that wants babies and haunts this new mother after she steals a pin from this old lady she’s taking care of.  Message, don’t steal pins from old ladies you’re taking care of.  There’s also this horrible part where the young woman slaughters a goat and it’s frightening.  And looks far too real.  Points off for me.

The Kindler and the Virgin was a Polish story about a man who gets coerced by a ghost thing to eat three hearts of the recently deceased.  So, he goes and starts digging up bodies to eat their hearts.  He even digs up the body of a baby and the hearts look so realistic.  At the end, it’s another WTF story.  It sucked.

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Beward the Melonheads was the American story and by far the worst of the lot.  It was about a tribe of cannibalistic children with giant heads in the forest led by a little person.  It was stupid.  And the effects and the acting were shit.

Whatever Happened to Panagas the Pagan? is the fifth story.  It’s about a goblin that comes out of “the land below” to celebrate Christmas with some drunkards.  But the drunkards are not kind men and they are mean to the goblin.  Apparently his blood is like wine to them, so they start cutting him up so they can drink it.  It makes them even crazier though and one man, Panagas, goes into the hole leading to “the land below” and never comes back.  We didn’t care though cause Panagas was a dick.

The Palace of Horrors was the best story of the lot.  It’s about a man named Gentry who works for Ringling Brothers.  He’s in India looking for freak show people and animals and he gets exactly what he deserves.  He’s a bad man, who, even after he finds several oddities, isn’t satisfied.  It’s highly original, followed rules, was realistic and had great effects.  Sadly, it’s one of only two stories worth watching.

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A Nocturnal Breath is the seventh story.  It’s from Germany and it’s about a brother and sister who are trying to deal with the sister’s possession by a strange, little mouse.  At night, the mouse comes out of her mouth and if you kill it while it’s out, she dies, too.  So, the brother kisses his sister and takes the mouse into himself instead.  And oh, did I mention, more friggin’ animals die.

Cobbler’s Pot is the last story.  It’s the only one besides The Palace of Horrors worth watching.  It’s about two brothers in love with the same princess.  I won’t give away the whole story in case you decide to watch it, but it’s very good.  And the innovation is stellar.

Altogether, the movie didn’t fare well.  Watch it if you like though.

Our score: 34.

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