Haunting at Foster Cabin
This movie is about five sorority sisters in a cabin with a spirit board and a demon, so you know there’s a lot of boobs, but little else. The acting is terrible. There’s no flow – people get mad really quickly, then they get over it really quickly, nothing is appropriate. The camera angles are shitty, as are the effects. And there were continuity issues abound.
“Some houses are born bad.” And some movies have quite the budget, but still suck ass. This is one of them. The movie has one really horrific murder and an amazing cast, but the rest of it is just boring. And not scary. There’s no Freddy Claws for most of it. I’m just unimpressed with the writer’s (David Self) version of the Shirley Jackson classic novel, The Haunting of Hill House.
Now this is just our preference, but it’s Unpopular Opinion time. We hate these movies. All of them. The acting isn’t good in most of them. They’re not scary. And they’re mostly boring. Hate us if you want, but we hate these movies.
An American Ghost Story
Paul, a writer, rents a haunted house with his girlfriend so that he can find a good story. Bad idea? Of course. But not for the reasons you think. No one can act. The girlfriend believes that it is haunted and assumes the ghosts will be friendly. Like, has she never seen a horror movie? And it literally ended with a man fighting another man wearing a sheet. Yup, it was a sheet ghost. My God.
Art LaFleur and Marc Singer get stuck in this movie by Eric Hart about two families that get stuck on a property and then things get crazy. I wish I could give you more of an explanation than that, but I can’t because there was none. Just when we thought it was going to give us a reason, it shit the bed. It was nonsensical and not scary and we’re mad we watched the whole thing.
An American Haunting
In this well made, but lackluster production, Donald Sutherland and Sissy Spacek have to deal with the haunting of their house and their little girl. Apparently a witch has cursed them. But that’s not the whole story. The whole story – SPOILER ALERT – is that Donald is abusing his own daughter to a nasty degree. No thank you. Pass on this one. Please.
Jessica and Dan buy an old Bed & Breakfast that’s hiding a dark secret. See the house belonged to a carriage maker and his wife – a mid-wife – who delivered a lot of kids that got sick. The people blamed her and so they hung her as a witch. It could have gone somewhere really cool. There was even a good jump scare or two, but the rest was just boring. There were no rules, no boobs, it was unrealistic and had a terrible ending. For shame.
The Curse of Sleeping Beauty
Thomas (Ethan Peck) inherits a mansion with a curse. It is based on the Grimm fairytale, but it’s quite grimm itself. And SO BORING. And, I know you’re probably tired of hearing it, but it shit the bed. Thomas sees a beautiful girl in his dreams (India Eisley) who he believes he’s supposed to wake up with a kiss, but in the end, he wakes her up and turns out – Apocalypse. Like, WTF! We have no idea. Do you?
Death of a Ghost Hunter
So, Sean Tretta directed this and also wrote it with Mike Marsh, who also starred in it. Yup. And it was, by far, one of the worst haunted house movies we’ve ever seen. There’s bad acting, a bad script, a bad soundtrack, etc. etc. And for some reason during the movie the girl’s journal entries are read aloud and that’s bad, too. Her voice is so monotone. It just pisses you off.
What Lies Beneath
Claire (Michelle Pfeiffer), the wife of Norman (Harrison Ford), believes her house is haunted. But Norman believes nothing of the sort. And why would he? Turns out – SPOILER ALERT – it’s all his fault. The cast is excellent, but the movie sucks. It’s one of those movies that just gets dumber and dumber as it goes along. I’m kind of mad at this wonderful cast for agreeing to make this awful trash.