The Abandoned (2015)
This movie about a young woman who gets a security job in a creepy old buiding makes no sense. It’s unoriginal, the rules suck, the camera work sucks and there is no Freddy Claws. In the end, SPOILER ALERT, it turns out that she wasn’t security at all, but rather a dying patient. It’s been done better.
Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013)
A group of juvenile delinquents in the woods, run afoul of Pau Bunyan and boy did we want them all to die. There is so much over acting. The relationships are ridiculous as are the specials. We can’t believed we watched the whole thing.
Dead Weight (2012)
During the zombie apocalypse, Charlie goes on a trek to find his girlfriend, Samantha. It sounds like it could be cool, but Samantha is too horrible to watch. Aside from her bad acting, her character is a bitch and there is just no chemistry between her and Charlie. We outright hated this film.
So, so, so boring. Watch Piranha instead. That is all.
In this movie, a group of friends become trapped in a night club with a bloodthirsty beast. The acting is the worst and it’s unrealistic, too. For instance, you got a girl crawling away when she could just as easily run. She wasn’t even hurt! Conversation is tedious and no one does anything, but complain. I seriously wanted to rip off my own skin for having picked this movie. Six-year-olds could have made a better film.
LD 50 Lethal Dose (2003)
A rather interesting cast leads this movie about a group of animal rights activists that break into a lab. Of course, everything that can go wrong does and one of them is caught. A year later, they receive cryptic messages from him that lead them to an abandoned building where they decide to get high before doing anything else. They are all so fucking annoying and the story is so, so bad.
Doctor Blood’s Coffin (1961)
A scientist in a remote village is working to revive the dead. And he’s doing it very, very slowly. The movie drags and drags. It just wasn’t for us.
No Time to Fear (2009)
In this one, a group of friends encounter an evil spirit that assumes the form of it’s prey. The acting was not bad, but that’s the only good thing we have to say. The direction was horrible. There’s no flow. The characters make poor decision after poor decision and get mad for no reason. Nothing’s natural here. Nothing feels like it should be happening when or how it is. Everything feels forced and confusing. One guy in the movie says, “I don’t know how to feel about this. I don’t feel anything.” That pretty much sums up the movie.
An evil spirit, in the body of a clown, is terrorizing Emma. I’m petrified of clowns, but this movie did nothing for me. He looked stupid, not scary. And we didn’t even understand what was happening for most of it. But I don’t know what we expected from a movie called Clowntergeist.
Blood Diner (1987)
This gory, gory movie is god awful. It wasn’t funny. The acting was horrible. The direction sucked. You can even see microphones and crew members in some of the shots. Just terrible.
Devil’s Prey (2001)
So, a group of people attend a rave. Then, they hit a girl on the road. Then, they are chased by masked members of a cult. Now, Charlie O’Connell isn’t the greatest actor to ever live, but he was too good for this shit. At one point, there are 6 of them and only 4 masked members, but they don’t try to fight for their lives. Like, why? We turned it off after the cult ran over the black guy who clearly had enough time to get out of the way.
The Mooring (2012)
A group of girls addicted to technology, go to a tech-free summer camp where they come across a killer couple. And if you want to watch a couple of rednecks chase down the dumbest, weakest, whiniest, white girls then this may be the movie for you. But it wasn’t for us. It was inconsistent and pointless. The twist was totally predictable. Oh, was she the same girl from 10 years ago? Shocker!
In this movie, a virus kills millions and then things get even worse. I actually liked the bit about the disease’s progression, but that’s about it. The rest of the movie felt forced, it didn’t make any sense and they killed the dog. The characters are weak. There are no rules. There’s random shots spliced into the main story. It almost feels like the director fell asleep while making this. This movie sucked our life away. Can’t imagine reading the book it was based off of.
A black man with no dialogue and no name dies first in this movie about genetically engineered fish that prey on people in a swamp. The acting is bad for the most part. The science is bad for the most part. And once again I’m left confused as to why good actors (Mark Boone Jr., Reggie Lee and Muse Watson) agreed to do this at all.
The 13th Unit (2014)
In this movie, a group of strangers become trapped in an underground facility with a beast. And it doesn’t make any sense. Why is it in there? Why is it killing people? The editing is atrocious. It’s unrealistic. It’s unoriginal, tiresome, crap. No one even mentions a 13th unit. It was maddening.
Do not watch this movie about a group of porn stars who are attacked by 2 creepy children while filming at a cabin in the woods. It will confuse and anger you. We think it was trying to be philosophical, but it failed. Also, the end sucked and made no sense.
Yet another movie with an impressive cast fails to deliver. This movie has Vinnie Jones, Edward Furlong, Jason London, Daryl Hannah and David Keith being hunted for their organs on a remote island. I’ve seen all these people act pretty well before, but we ended up turning this movie off. Ugh.
A small town sheriff and an animal expert team up to stop dinosaur clones from attacking people. But there were no rules. And bad acting. And bad effects. All the black people die, of course. Most of the dinosaurs look like T-Rex’s not raptors. This may be Eric Roberts worst movie of all time.
So, on 12/12/12, this evil “thing” is born and it starts killing immediately. It kills the doctor and the nurse who delivered it even. If I could give a movie negative points, I woud do so with this one. It was gross and shocking for the sake of gross and shocking. I watched very little of it though, because when the baby started giving it’s own mother oral sex, I had to turn it off. Seriously.
Blood Surf (2000)
A saltwater crocodile attacks surfers in this horrible, horrible movie. The plot was bad. The acting was bad. The effects were bad. And where may I ask, was all the freaking blood? Duncan Regehr should have picked a better movie to be in. I do like him so.