6 Movies to Skip On Date Night

YUMMY (2019)

DJ and I have a prediliction towards zombie movies, but this one disappointed. The movie is about a couple that go to a shady hospital for plastic surgery. A boob reduction to be specific, so you do get to see boobs. Points for that. But it wasn’t the comedy we were hoping for. It was far raunchier than we like. It was also too gory, too absurd and too boring as a whole. DJ, who had really high hopes for this one, said it was one of the worst movies he’s ever sat through.

NURSE (2013)

Let me preface this by saying that neither DJ nor I are prudes. And although I just said that the last movie was too raunchy for us, this one took that vulgarity and really hammered away at it. It’s just a very strange movie. This nurse spends the movie killing men who cheat. But she also drugs a fellow nurse (Katrina Bowden) and forces her to have sex with her. And honestly, when the nurse mentions eating the other girl’s ass and finger fucking her to six different orgasms, we were just a little too done with it all.

BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1989)

Although hailed as horror/comedy, this movie about making a live woman out of dead flesh is neither scary nor funny. It’s inappropriate as hell though, we’ll give you that. Not for the vulgarity of the first two, but for all the animal deaths. Even DJ said it went too far. I mean, the iguana was something and cutting the arms off the bat was just cruel, but when they killed the dog and then attached a human arm to it, we were once again, DONE!

AMNESIAC (2014)

Wes Bentley wakes up suffering from amnesia while Kate Bosworth, who says she’s his wife, looks after him. Now, it’s obvious from the jump that Kate is messed up. It’s no surprise to find out just how messed up she is. But there’s another twist still coming and that one I didn’t see at all. It’s just that by that point, I also didn’t care. The story was so awful. DJ didn’t even watch it with me because he hates these kinds of movies. I feel envious of him.

SOUL TO KEEP (2018)

For a movie about a group of teens who go to a secluded farmhouse to get all drugged-out, have a lot of sex and then stupidly, willingly summon a demon, this movie actually attempts to get all pretentious on you. It really does start with a quote from William Shakespeare: “Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but love.” What’s it mean in relation to the movie? WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! It doesn’t really explain anything. We hated this movie. So bad.

THEY CAME BACK (AKA LES REVENANTS) (2004)

A whole bunch of dead people return to a small town in this French horror drama that’s really all drama and no horror. The zombies aren’t even decayed. One guy is even really, really hot. So, it’s not a horror. It’s a drama. But is it a good drama? The answer to that question, no! It’s slow paced and tells you nothing. I mean if you’re willing to sit there for 100 minutes to figure nothing at all out, then go for it. But we suggest that you don’t.