Penny Dreadful (2006)

Directed Richard Brandes. Written by Brandes, Arthur K. Flam and Diane Doniol-Valcroze. Starring Rachel Miner, Mimi Rogers, Chad Todhunter, Mickey Jones, Liz Davies and Michael Berryman.

Plot: Penny goes on a roadtrip with her therapist to get over her fear of cars when an unexpected even thrusts her into a nightmare.

This is another movie I’m going to give away the entire plot to. Not because I don’t care, but because I do. I care that if you have yet to watch this piece of crap that you NEVER DO. I didn’t hate it exactly, but it was damn close. So damned close. Some good performances and a boob shot saved it from utter failure though.

We open on a scenic drive as Penny (Miner) and Orianna (Rogers), her therapist, are going on a road trip. See, Penny was in a car accident when she was younger that killed her parents and now she refuses to get into cars without being severely sedated. So, one of the rules of this trip is that she leaves the drugs at home. She doesn’t though, of course. Stupid.

After stopping at a gas station run by Michael Berryman (the best part of the movie), Orianna accidentally hits a hitchhiker standing a little too close to the middle of the road. When he isn’t hurt, Orianna agrees to take him to Onyx Pass, the next town over, to a camp site where he supposedly works. But shit gets weird quick as the man won’t even really talk to them, smells bad, and offers them some mysterious bloody meat on a stick. And when they finally drop him off, he ends up stabbing their tire which causes them to lose control later down the road and run into a pit.

******SPOILER ALERT******



DJ hates Orianna from the jump with all her psycho babble bullshit. She’s the worst kind of therapist and we would know. We’ve had plenty in real life. And once Orianna dies and Penny starts popping sedatives again, she’s no longer likable. I mean, really not the time Penny. Really not.

Orianna gets killed while away from the car, looking for cell service. So, Penny goes looking after her. The hitch hiker finds her and instead of kidnapping her, too, he traps her inside the car with Orianna’s dead body. Eww. She’s trapped between trees and I don’t even know how he did it, but whatever. Moving on.

Later, a young man, Alvin (Todhunter) finds her and is killed trying to help her. Then, the hiker kills Alvin’s lover and Alvin’s co-worker (Jones), the second best part of the movie. Then, when Penny is sleeping, the hiker takes the place of Orianna and attacks her. Some cat and mouse in and around the car ensues until the hiker is hit by another car. But apparently, we think, the hiker has been a woman this whole time. An escaped mental patient to be exact, which we are SO TIRED OF. Not all mental patients are walking around looking for something to kill. And if that doesn’t turn you off yet, the man who hits her/him/hiker, puts Penny in his truck, goes back to check on the hiker and he/she moves. The end. Literally. That’s the ending shot. You don’t know what happens after that. It took three god damned people to make that crap?!

Our score: 25.

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