Directed by Jared Cohn. Written by Geoff Meed and Kenny Zinn. Starring Katrina Bowden, Randy Wayne, Keith Allan, Erin Marie Hogan, Steve Hanks, Seth Cassell and Darin Cooper.
Plot: a group of friends start getting picked off after one of them refuses to hold their breath while driving past a graveyard.
We were excited to watch this because we grew up on the whole holding your breath myth. We thought they’d be able to do something really cool with it. But we were wrong. Someone else needs to try to do something with this plotline because the people who made this totally missed the mark.
The movie opens with a serial killer, Van Hausen (Allan), being executed. Before they actually kill him though, he kills the warden, Wilkes (Cooper). Unrealistically, they go through with the execution anyway. Later, seven friends are driving past a cemetary when Jerry (Bowden) screams for everyone to hold their breath. She knows the urban legend about evil spirits being able to possess you if you’re not holding your breath. Of course, one of her friends, Kyle (Cassell), is to busy smoking pot to hold his breath and he is possessed by Van Hausen’s spirit.
Van Hausen can then kill anyone he wants to, anyway he wants to, even if it is pathetically nonsensical. You can’t cut someone in half that way and you can’t kill someone with an electric mixer to the face. Sometimes death scenes aren’t completely feasible, but in good movies it doesn’t matter. This was not a good movie, so it mattered. The rules were made up as the movie went along. For example, the myth insinuates that only bad spirits possess people, but eventually the warden possesses someone even though he was a good guy.
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Van Hausen has the ability to jump from person to person, which is a lousy rule to begin with. Then, the friends come across the cemetary’s caretaker, McBride (Hanks), who convinces them that Warden Wilkes’s spirit could fight Van Hausen’s spirit on the astral plane. And that’s what happens. Two ghosts start to fight each other. The special effects are horrid though and the “fight scene” is therefore, hilarious. The ghosts kind of looked like Casper, to be honest. In the end, McBride allows both spirits to possess him and somehow that causes an explosion, but it doesn’t end there. Jerry, Johnny (Wayne) and Natasha (Hogan) make it back to their campsite where it is revealed that Johnny is now possessed by Van Hausen. And he kills the girls as the scene fades.
This is a nice movie if you want to laugh your ass off, but it’s not worth anything else. The dialogue is particularly ridiculous. Except for McBride’s. He has some very classic words of wisdom and is clearly the best thing about the production. There’s also some outstanding gratuitous boob shots, but nothing else to recommend a viewing.
My score: 27. DJ’s score: 38.
“Are you paying someone to help you misunderstand me?”
I suppose I could list my favorite movies here, but instead I'll give you a strange glimpse into what makes me TaraRomero.
1. I met George Romero. He was the kindest and sweetest man. He talked to me for longer than he should have with the line getting longer. He also held my hand. And when he noticed the ladybug I have tattooed on my wrist, he said he liked it and asked me it's name. Till then, it had not had a name. Now, I call him George.
2. I love stickers. All stickers. I just adore them. I even ask for stickers for Christmas! As a matter of fact, the birthday that just past, every member of my immediate family gave me sticker packs as gifts. Affordable and extremely appreciated.
3. I have never put much stock in astrology or horoscopes, but I LOVE the magic of the MBTI. Omg. I am an INFP and it actually sounds just like me. Introverted mostly. Creative always. Heart before head and not the most logical. Totally me! For better or worse.
4. It's no surprise I count horror so high up on the list of things that make me, me. However, it's so within my soul that I was part of the Horror Club in college. Interesting bunch. And even took a Horror Lit class as an elective. I got an A.
5. Coffee always makes me happy. Always. I'm particularly fond of caramel macchiatos. But I'll drink black coffee if it's the only thing available.
6. I hate shock for the sake of shock and endings that depress me. I always mention the movies Within (2016) and the Eli Roth produced, written and starred in, Aftershock (2012), as proof of this distate I have. I abhor the idea that just because I like horror, some people think I'd actually praise a movie that lets you think the "Final Girl" just made it through the night, only to slap her in the face with a tsunami.
7. We are big time animal people. I mean, if I could, I'd have an elephant, a bear, a zebra, a penguin, an otter and a meerkat, living with me. Seriously though. We have 2 dogs right now and 2 cats. Both cats we picked up when they each came to our front door hungry. And both dogs we got from 2 different sets of neighbors. Both who, unfortunately, don't know how to care for pets long-term. But they're happy and healthy now!!
8. Revisiting my love of horror, one of the above cats, my cat, is a little black guy named Church. Because Pet Sematary. His middle name is even Pascow. To give credit where credit's due, the name was DJ's idea. But he loves horror too!
9. I'm big into art. Along with movie posters and an Anne Frank quote, I have some actual paintings on my wall. I really think Dali paints beautifully when he wants to. And if I don't get to see Michaelangelo's Pieta in person some day, I will be very disappointed.
10. Lastly, I find Emily Dickinson's poetry intriguing. I took an elective course about her as well. But do you know I injected horror even there? I was given a poem to dissect and I picked one on death, of course. Then, I researched old "Death Photos" and even printed out copies for everyone in the class. They were so interested in looking at them that it stopped them from all looking at me, and I was able to deal quite well with my stage fright. Haha
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