Directed by James Roday. Written by Roday and Todd Harthan. Starring Jimmi Simpson, Julianna Guill, Shaunette Renee Wilson, Amanda Walsh, Kylie Rogers, Sutton Foster, Mary McCormack, Michael Weston, Nancy Lincon Charles, Cyrina Fiallo and Maggie Lawson.
Plot: a celebrity chef, dodging responsibility and a scandal, goes to his family’s vacation home in the woods where his past comes back to haunt him.
I’ll talk briefly about the overall story line before I trash the movie completely. It’s about a celebrity chef named Peter Rake (Simpson), with a daughter (Rogers) and a sister (Walsh) he hasn’t seen in years. He has a scandal come up and bails on his daughter to go into the woods to avoid life. There, we meet his housekeeper, Agnes (Charles) who is very strange and a mystery woman, Kara (Guill) that turns out to be his neighbor in the woods. Of course, he likes Kara and invites her and her friends over for dinner. And this starts a huge sordid mess for him.
I don’t talk of my own sexual assault on this blog and I’m not about to start now, but I want everyone reading this to know that I’ve been there. I feel the pain. I get the #MeToo movement. I’m holding hands with my sisters and singing frickin’ kumbaya. But this movie isn’t about that. It’s about a bunch of crazy ass women taking a man accused of a vicious crime and torturing him using witchcraft.
I really do understand what it was supposed to be and what it was supposed to say. However, it was a mess. And it wasn’t a horror movie. It was an unfortunate drama, mystery, thriller type nonsense. It wasn’t about empowerment, it was about embarrassment. And I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be above men as a woman. I want to be an equal. Here, no one was likable. Of course I didn’t like him, but I didn’t like the women either.
It was unoriginal. There was no actual murder, no rules and a script I just abhorred. A good cast and one jump scare does not a good movie make. I’m mad at James Roday. Like really mad. Please, do not watch this movie. There’s so much better out there for you to do.
I suppose I could list my favorite movies here, but instead I'll give you a strange glimpse into what makes me TaraRomero.
1. I met George Romero. He was the kindest and sweetest man. He talked to me for longer than he should have with the line getting longer. He also held my hand. And when he noticed the ladybug I have tattooed on my wrist, he said he liked it and asked me it's name. Till then, it had not had a name. Now, I call him George.
2. I love stickers. All stickers. I just adore them. I even ask for stickers for Christmas! As a matter of fact, the birthday that just past, every member of my immediate family gave me sticker packs as gifts. Affordable and extremely appreciated.
3. I have never put much stock in astrology or horoscopes, but I LOVE the magic of the MBTI. Omg. I am an INFP and it actually sounds just like me. Introverted mostly. Creative always. Heart before head and not the most logical. Totally me! For better or worse.
4. It's no surprise I count horror so high up on the list of things that make me, me. However, it's so within my soul that I was part of the Horror Club in college. Interesting bunch. And even took a Horror Lit class as an elective. I got an A.
5. Coffee always makes me happy. Always. I'm particularly fond of caramel macchiatos. But I'll drink black coffee if it's the only thing available.
6. I hate shock for the sake of shock and endings that depress me. I always mention the movies Within (2016) and the Eli Roth produced, written and starred in, Aftershock (2012), as proof of this distate I have. I abhor the idea that just because I like horror, some people think I'd actually praise a movie that lets you think the "Final Girl" just made it through the night, only to slap her in the face with a tsunami.
7. We are big time animal people. I mean, if I could, I'd have an elephant, a bear, a zebra, a penguin, an otter and a meerkat, living with me. Seriously though. We have 2 dogs right now and 2 cats. Both cats we picked up when they each came to our front door hungry. And both dogs we got from 2 different sets of neighbors. Both who, unfortunately, don't know how to care for pets long-term. But they're happy and healthy now!!
8. Revisiting my love of horror, one of the above cats, my cat, is a little black guy named Church. Because Pet Sematary. His middle name is even Pascow. To give credit where credit's due, the name was DJ's idea. But he loves horror too!
9. I'm big into art. Along with movie posters and an Anne Frank quote, I have some actual paintings on my wall. I really think Dali paints beautifully when he wants to. And if I don't get to see Michaelangelo's Pieta in person some day, I will be very disappointed.
10. Lastly, I find Emily Dickinson's poetry intriguing. I took an elective course about her as well. But do you know I injected horror even there? I was given a poem to dissect and I picked one on death, of course. Then, I researched old "Death Photos" and even printed out copies for everyone in the class. They were so interested in looking at them that it stopped them from all looking at me, and I was able to deal quite well with my stage fright. Haha
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