Directed by John Carr, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, Phillip Marshak, Tom McGowan and Gregg C. Tallas. Written by Philip Yordan.
Plot: God and Satan are in a train car telling each other stories – it sounds like the beginning of a joke, but it’s really just the beginning of this joke of a movie
Apparently, God and Satan converse after souls die to agree on where the soul will spend eternity. And they do so on a night train filled with 80’s dancers who aren’t following the rhythm to the music they’re dancing to.
The first story is about Harry Billings and a hospital that cuts people up while they’re still alive. Apparently, no one goes into shock in this hospital though or passes out. Richard Mull is assumed to rape people, there are horrid, fight scenes with horrid effects, lots and lots of boobs and a camera that darts around really fast insuring that you don’t make sense of half of what you’ve seen. Not that you would anyway.
The second story is about Greta Connors and a group of people who play a type of Russian Roulette. The editing is so incredibly bad, one guy is dubbed while no one else is, the “beetle” was really a wasp, the specials were grotesque, the fight scene involves an actual net, it’s fucked up, not funny and once again, boobs.
The third story is about Claire Hanson and an immortal nazi that must be stopped by a doctor pure of heart. There’s just no point to this story at all. God is proven to be a little evil himself. And the death scenes are claymation.
What have we learned after watching this movie:
God wears a flashy white suit while Satan dresses like a vampire.
Both men rely heavily on a black man dressed like a bellhop.
The poor, the sick and the children will always be God’s. Amen.
And Satan has no tears.
Our score: 28/100. If you venture here, venture with friends and alcohol.
I suppose I could list my favorite movies here, but instead I'll give you a strange glimpse into what makes me TaraRomero.
1. I met George Romero. He was the kindest and sweetest man. He talked to me for longer than he should have with the line getting longer. He also held my hand. And when he noticed the ladybug I have tattooed on my wrist, he said he liked it and asked me it's name. Till then, it had not had a name. Now, I call him George.
2. I love stickers. All stickers. I just adore them. I even ask for stickers for Christmas! As a matter of fact, the birthday that just past, every member of my immediate family gave me sticker packs as gifts. Affordable and extremely appreciated.
3. I have never put much stock in astrology or horoscopes, but I LOVE the magic of the MBTI. Omg. I am an INFP and it actually sounds just like me. Introverted mostly. Creative always. Heart before head and not the most logical. Totally me! For better or worse.
4. It's no surprise I count horror so high up on the list of things that make me, me. However, it's so within my soul that I was part of the Horror Club in college. Interesting bunch. And even took a Horror Lit class as an elective. I got an A.
5. Coffee always makes me happy. Always. I'm particularly fond of caramel macchiatos. But I'll drink black coffee if it's the only thing available.
6. I hate shock for the sake of shock and endings that depress me. I always mention the movies Within (2016) and the Eli Roth produced, written and starred in, Aftershock (2012), as proof of this distate I have. I abhor the idea that just because I like horror, some people think I'd actually praise a movie that lets you think the "Final Girl" just made it through the night, only to slap her in the face with a tsunami.
7. We are big time animal people. I mean, if I could, I'd have an elephant, a bear, a zebra, a penguin, an otter and a meerkat, living with me. Seriously though. We have 2 dogs right now and 2 cats. Both cats we picked up when they each came to our front door hungry. And both dogs we got from 2 different sets of neighbors. Both who, unfortunately, don't know how to care for pets long-term. But they're happy and healthy now!!
8. Revisiting my love of horror, one of the above cats, my cat, is a little black guy named Church. Because Pet Sematary. His middle name is even Pascow. To give credit where credit's due, the name was DJ's idea. But he loves horror too!
9. I'm big into art. Along with movie posters and an Anne Frank quote, I have some actual paintings on my wall. I really think Dali paints beautifully when he wants to. And if I don't get to see Michaelangelo's Pieta in person some day, I will be very disappointed.
10. Lastly, I find Emily Dickinson's poetry intriguing. I took an elective course about her as well. But do you know I injected horror even there? I was given a poem to dissect and I picked one on death, of course. Then, I researched old "Death Photos" and even printed out copies for everyone in the class. They were so interested in looking at them that it stopped them from all looking at me, and I was able to deal quite well with my stage fright. Haha
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