Dashcam (2021)

Directed by Rob Savage. Written by Gemma Hurley, Jed Shepherd and Savage. Starring Annie Hardy, Amar Chadha Patel, Angela Enahoro and Mogali Masuku.

Plot: a heinous young woman gives an elderly woman a ride, but the elderly woman isn’t all that she seems.

Sometimes we watch terrible movies all the way through just for shits and giggles. Sometimes I come on here afterward and divulge exactly why said movie was utter garbage. Sometimes I do give credit to the actors or director for trying so hard, even though they failed. This movie, Dashcam, was an awful movie that we sat through hoping to watch the main character die. And while I’m gonna divulge a bit here, I’ll tell you upfront that there will be no credit given to the director and certainly no credit given to the odious bitch he put on the screen.

First, there’s the plot to talk about. We meet Annie, a young white woman who raps. That’s pretty painful right off, but we continued to watch. As she drives around livestreaming herself rapping, she starts in on her evil rants about everything from vaccines to “libtards”. She hates everything mostly, especially science. She’s not even particularly nice to her brown friend, Stretch (Patel) or his girl. We’re not even sure why he talks to her anymore. When they start to argue (that was inevitable), she gets kicked out of his house and steals his car. In her MAGA hat, she continues her “music”. A musical style she appropriated from a culture she doesn’t even respect.

With Stretch’s car, she goes on a delivery run, but the restaurant appears closed when she arrives. She calls out for someone and a woman appears, just not with food. Instead she has an elderly black woman, Angela (Enahoro), with her. She tells Annie that Angela’s sick and offers her money to take Angela somewhere. Annie, greedy as shit, accepts. While sitting in the back of the car, Angela shits herself though and Annie gets upset. Reasonable, true, but honestly it’s the sanest thing that’s gonna happen with Angela all night.

In no time at all, during the cleanup, Annie and Angela are attacked by another female. Angela takes her down though. She’s apparently hella strong for an old lady. Soon after that, Stretch finds the car and Annie and joins them on this ill-fated trip. When they fight again, Annie pulls over and Angela runs into the woods. This leads to some creepy Angela scenes as well as the attacker woman finding them again. With a shotgun.

******SPOILER ALERT******

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There’s two good things about the movie: the special effects and the innovation of kills. The rest is putrid nonsense. Stretch and Annie drive into another car shortly after leaving the woods. The car carries a newlywed couple that are still in tux and gown. They are both killed instantly. Justice? Nope. Moving on, the woman with the shotgun tells Annie that she’s actually Angela’s mother and that Angela is actually only 16-years-old. Then Angela comes out of nowhere and just rips her mother’s head off. Justice? Probably not.

Annie and Stretch manage to run into an abandoned amusement park after that. Very interesting location. However, Angela finds them there, too, and kills Stretch. Justice? Absolutely not! We waited after that so that we could watch Annie die. We assumed she would die. Did we get justice? No. Never. Of course not. We felt utterly jipped. In the end, Annie runs into a house that ends up being not good at all. There’s some strange looking people inside and they all slit their own throats.

Angela comes in. A battle ensues. Annie manages to kill Angela. But this slug like thing comes crawling out of Angela’s mouth. Ew ew ew. It was so nasty and got nastier. It grew into this slug/human hybrid and came after Annie. It didn’t kill her though. She killed it. Beat it to death. AND SHE LIVES!! The actual monstrosity in the movie won! What the fuck is the point of that?

This gave us a completely unsympathetic, disgraceful, detestable protagonist. We could not root for her. We despised her. Then we found out she wasn’t a full-fledged fictional character after all. Annie was only semi-fictional. We looked her up though and she is just as contemptible in real life. She tries so hard to be cool and flippant and offensive and only ever succeeds in being the last one.

Creepiness can’t make an entire movie amazing. This was reprehensible for the most part. And unfunny. We did not sign on to watch a tiny, abhorrent, Republican, waif, save the day. Outrage. Total outrage. We suggest everyone with any sort of soul at all steer clear of this loathsome story.

Our score: 5.