DJ and I have a prediliction towards zombie movies, but this one disappointed. The movie is about a couple that go to a shady hospital for plastic surgery. A boob reduction to be specific, so you do get to see boobs. Points for that. But it wasn’t the comedy we were hoping for. It was far raunchier than we like. It was also too gory, too absurd and too boring as a whole. DJ, who had really high hopes for this one, said it was one of the worst movies he’s ever sat through.
NURSE (2013)
Let me preface this by saying that neither DJ nor I are prudes. And although I just said that the last movie was too raunchy for us, this one took that vulgarity and really hammered away at it. It’s just a very strange movie. This nurse spends the movie killing men who cheat. But she also drugs a fellow nurse (Katrina Bowden) and forces her to have sex with her. And honestly, when the nurse mentions eating the other girl’s ass and finger fucking her to six different orgasms, we were just a little too done with it all.
BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1989)
Although hailed as horror/comedy, this movie about making a live woman out of dead flesh is neither scary nor funny. It’s inappropriate as hell though, we’ll give you that. Not for the vulgarity of the first two, but for all the animal deaths. Even DJ said it went too far. I mean, the iguana was something and cutting the arms off the bat was just cruel, but when they killed the dog and then attached a human arm to it, we were once again, DONE!
AMNESIAC (2014)
Wes Bentley wakes up suffering from amnesia while Kate Bosworth, who says she’s his wife, looks after him. Now, it’s obvious from the jump that Kate is messed up. It’s no surprise to find out just how messed up she is. But there’s another twist still coming and that one I didn’t see at all. It’s just that by that point, I also didn’t care. The story was so awful. DJ didn’t even watch it with me because he hates these kinds of movies. I feel envious of him.
SOUL TO KEEP (2018)
For a movie about a group of teens who go to a secluded farmhouse to get all drugged-out, have a lot of sex and then stupidly, willingly summon a demon, this movie actually attempts to get all pretentious on you. It really does start with a quote from William Shakespeare: “Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but love.” What’s it mean in relation to the movie? WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! It doesn’t really explain anything. We hated this movie. So bad.
THEY CAME BACK (AKA LES REVENANTS) (2004)
A whole bunch of dead people return to a small town in this French horror drama that’s really all drama and no horror. The zombies aren’t even decayed. One guy is even really, really hot. So, it’s not a horror. It’s a drama. But is it a good drama? The answer to that question, no! It’s slow paced and tells you nothing. I mean if you’re willing to sit there for 100 minutes to figure nothing at all out, then go for it. But we suggest that you don’t.
I suppose I could list my favorite movies here, but instead I'll give you a strange glimpse into what makes me TaraRomero.
1. I met George Romero. He was the kindest and sweetest man. He talked to me for longer than he should have with the line getting longer. He also held my hand. And when he noticed the ladybug I have tattooed on my wrist, he said he liked it and asked me it's name. Till then, it had not had a name. Now, I call him George.
2. I love stickers. All stickers. I just adore them. I even ask for stickers for Christmas! As a matter of fact, the birthday that just past, every member of my immediate family gave me sticker packs as gifts. Affordable and extremely appreciated.
3. I have never put much stock in astrology or horoscopes, but I LOVE the magic of the MBTI. Omg. I am an INFP and it actually sounds just like me. Introverted mostly. Creative always. Heart before head and not the most logical. Totally me! For better or worse.
4. It's no surprise I count horror so high up on the list of things that make me, me. However, it's so within my soul that I was part of the Horror Club in college. Interesting bunch. And even took a Horror Lit class as an elective. I got an A.
5. Coffee always makes me happy. Always. I'm particularly fond of caramel macchiatos. But I'll drink black coffee if it's the only thing available.
6. I hate shock for the sake of shock and endings that depress me. I always mention the movies Within (2016) and the Eli Roth produced, written and starred in, Aftershock (2012), as proof of this distate I have. I abhor the idea that just because I like horror, some people think I'd actually praise a movie that lets you think the "Final Girl" just made it through the night, only to slap her in the face with a tsunami.
7. We are big time animal people. I mean, if I could, I'd have an elephant, a bear, a zebra, a penguin, an otter and a meerkat, living with me. Seriously though. We have 2 dogs right now and 2 cats. Both cats we picked up when they each came to our front door hungry. And both dogs we got from 2 different sets of neighbors. Both who, unfortunately, don't know how to care for pets long-term. But they're happy and healthy now!!
8. Revisiting my love of horror, one of the above cats, my cat, is a little black guy named Church. Because Pet Sematary. His middle name is even Pascow. To give credit where credit's due, the name was DJ's idea. But he loves horror too!
9. I'm big into art. Along with movie posters and an Anne Frank quote, I have some actual paintings on my wall. I really think Dali paints beautifully when he wants to. And if I don't get to see Michaelangelo's Pieta in person some day, I will be very disappointed.
10. Lastly, I find Emily Dickinson's poetry intriguing. I took an elective course about her as well. But do you know I injected horror even there? I was given a poem to dissect and I picked one on death, of course. Then, I researched old "Death Photos" and even printed out copies for everyone in the class. They were so interested in looking at them that it stopped them from all looking at me, and I was able to deal quite well with my stage fright. Haha
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2 thoughts on “6 Movies to Skip On Date Night”
Thanks for the list, I’ll avoid them on date night and every other night as well. I enjoy gore, and raunchy, and naughty humor as much as the next guy, but sometimes it is taken too far or they try to use it to distract from a terrible movie. Even the subtle ones can be ridiculous. Like Sandra Bullock’s nipples in Premonition and the multiple times she awkwardly paused so everyone could get a good look before continuing the scene that just didn’t make any sense.
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Thanks for the list, I’ll avoid them on date night and every other night as well. I enjoy gore, and raunchy, and naughty humor as much as the next guy, but sometimes it is taken too far or they try to use it to distract from a terrible movie. Even the subtle ones can be ridiculous. Like Sandra Bullock’s nipples in Premonition and the multiple times she awkwardly paused so everyone could get a good look before continuing the scene that just didn’t make any sense.
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now i need to see Premonition. LOL
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